Newsletter Thoughts May 31, 2025

Dear Friends,

Last week I shared a favorite quote from the ELCA Systems academy. What I didn’t say

was that I recently re-read all my notes from the three years that I have participated in this

academy. Why? Because our reflection paper for June was to share a favorite quote.

As soon as this reflection paper was announced, I knew what my most memorable

quote would be. But I decided to reread everything to see if anything other wisdom

supplanted what Dr. Walter Smith planted in my brain. I ended up with seven pages of

quotes!

Interestingly I discovered that I had misremembered my favorite quote. What I

remember:

Don’t let the issue be more important than the relationship.

What he actually said (as recorded in my notes):

Don’t let any issue become more important than the connections.

While similar, I appreciate the better nuance of what Dr. Smith actually said in two

important ways.

First, is the difference between “be” and “become.”

I think there is a great deal of room between these two words. When I think of allowing something to become, I realize there is room for movement and choice, whereas the word be, implies a finality.

Second, I substituted the word “relationship” for “connections.”

The words are related, but again there is much more room for movement and choice when I think of connections than when I think of relationship. I think it is mentally easier to make the choice to maintain connection because that is entirely within my control. Whereas to maintain a relationship

additionally requires a willingness of the other.

In either version, this has taken permanent residence in my head because my primary

way of functioning in stressful situations is to distance. As I write this, I remember a story

my mom used to tell me. She said that she could always tell when I wasn’t feeling well,

because I wouldn’t want any touch (quite the opposite of most babies). I would just want to

be left alone to sleep. Living into this story of my wanting to be alone, in retrospect, gave

me wonderful mental permission to back away from family (and other) connections. “It’s

just how I am!”

For the next few weeks, I will be sharing more of these favorite quotes. Meanwhile, I’d

love to hear how you navigate issues and connections in these trying times. Our faith calls

us to follow the advice of Dr. Smith (love of neighbor). But this is sometimes so hard to do.

The beauty of a faith community is that we can share our struggles with one another. We

can pray. We can try to see past the issue to see humanity. And in all this we learn and grow

in our own faith. Is this easy? No! Is it worthwhile? Yes!

I’d love to hear how you work at keeping connections in trying times.

Peace in Christ,

Pastor Nancy