Newsletter Thoughts June 21, 2025

Dear Friends,

This week I was in Chicago for more learning about family and church systems. The work is inspiring, enlightening, and exhausting. The exhausting part is because we start on Monday in “family systems groups” where each of us has to talk about our own stuff. I usually go to bed exhausted on Monday night!

On Tuesday we have a guest speaker. This time it was Dr. Kathleen Smith who wrote the book, “Everything Isn’t Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down.” This the book that, when coaching, I recommend the most. It’s target audience is young adults, but it contains wisdom for all of us.

The basic teaching of this book, and family systems theory, is to learn to be responsible for ourselves, not try to change others, all while staying in relationship. As we all know, this is very hard to do. For the next few weeks, I plan to offer some observations from this book.

First is a quote from the introduction:

Some may argue that focusing on yourself while our world is on fire is selfish. But I think the real problem is that there’s not enough “self” in how we respond to the challenges we face.

Next week I’ll share some thoughts from Part One: Your Anxious Self.

For today I want to offer an observation about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. I’ll be preaching on this text tomorrow. For now, though, I’d like to point out how, right at the beginning, humans blamed their bad behavior on others. Adam blamed both God and Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. I wonder what might have happened had either chosen to say, “yeah, I messed up!" Instead of "it’s not my fault.”

It is so much easier to blame our own failings on others. “She/he/they made me mad!” This is a common feeling, and yet when we think deeply about how others influence our feelings, we realize that we have given our power away.

I think a great illustration of this is when we drive. How often do the actions of others make us angry or frustrated. Yesterday I was driving to a physical therapy appointment. I was running a bit late and ended up behind someone who was driving about 5 mph below the speed limit.

Frustrating! And for a moment I gave in to that frustration and allowed that stranger to influence my mood. Then I remembered that I have choice over how I respond (rather than react) and was able to calm down.

This seems simple but learning about ourselves and how we can respond rather than react influences how we show up in life. When we learn how to show up as our authentic selves, we are better equipped to love God, neighbor, and self.

I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow.

Peace in Christ,

Pastor Nancy